Conflict and Personal Values

June 25, 2010

Conflict is part of the human condition. In the ideal world there would be no conflict but let’s face it, we are human and as humans we are individuals with different needs and expectations. But how do we effectively share these needs to reduce conflict and create relationships based on compassionate connections?

There are different modes to conflict resolution but the most common are avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise and collaboration. Resolving conflict can be successfully reached through collaboration in which both parties’ needs are met. Neither party gives in or gives up. An important element of the compromise model is for both parties to be able to initially state their own individual needs and then move to solutions. A second element is for each party to be able to listen, interpret and clarify the other parties’ needs. Both elements require compassionate listening to the self and to others. Read the rest of this entry »

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Developing Compassion through Type Development

June 8, 2010

There are many schools of thought regarding compassion. Some people may believe you either have compassion or you don’t. Others question if you can truly develop compassion as a characteristic. I propose you can develop compassion through self-awareness, awareness of others and their pain, a personal decision and commitment to develop compassion, to communicate with others and personally reach out through continuous personal development.

From a type perspective, I see this awareness as falling in the dimension of Extroverted Sensing. Once we make the decision to be more compassionate, we must first be aware of ourselves, our tendencies, and then notice or be aware of others suffering. We do this by being in the moment – scanning our environment and other people using our five senses. We are making a conscious effort to see the pain in others.

We do this by identifying facial expressions or body language that we relate to pain, listening for actual pain or nuances in communication that suggest pain, or, in a broader perspective, observing dynamics among a team, conversations and discussions during meetings. Pain can be physical pain noted by a moan, furrowed brows and cringing. Emotional pain may be less apparent and may not physically manifest itself thus we may need to be especially in tune to subtle nuances of people’s behaviors. Are the behaviors “out of the norm?” Is someone who is normally cheerful and outgoing, more subdued? Is a colleague who is normally reserved, becoming aggressive? Read the rest of this entry »

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Type Preferences and Interviewing

May 3, 2010

As a career coach, I encourage job seekers to solidly prep for an actual interview. We role-play and practice all aspects of the interview process – the greeting,  body language, connecting, mirroring, vocal quality, cadence and responding to questions. As an HR professional, I have also created and evaluated interview questions and processes to try to breakthrough to the core of a person – find the authentic candidate that matches a candidate with the job.

During the interview process, recruiters are encouraged to use a variety of tools including behavioral based interview questions – a model based on the concept that past performance may be an indicator of future performance. Behavioral based interview questions rely on recall or Introverted Sensing. For example, “Tell me about a time when…” or “Describe a time when you effectively…” .  As a recruiter I would look for as much detail as possible preferable within a Situation,Task,Result feedback sequence. I would follow-up with probing questions.

But job seekers that do not have a natural preference for recall (Introverted Sensing) or describing details may have challenges with the this style of interviewing. Candidates with a different dominant preference, such as Extroverted Intuition, may tend to share ideas rather than concrete facts. Therefore, practice is essential to succeed with interviewing to give the recruiter or hiring manager the information needed to make a decision. Read the rest of this entry »

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What Hat Are You Wearing?

April 27, 2010

I love the Six Thinking Hats (De Bono’s Six Thinking Hat System™) as a tool to enhance the decision-making process. Each hat represents a method of thinking that we can deliberately access. The Six Hats are – Red (emotion/intuition), White Thinking (data/facts), Green – Creativity, Yellow – Positivity, Black – Critical Judgment; and Blue – Process Control. I applied the concept to a Decision Making workshop last week (Going from the Gut, creates indigestion…) through a group activity designed to get participants to get out their thinking comfort zone and to practice a way to manage internal bias.

To refresh, the eight Jungian functions in brief language are: Introverted Sensing – (Recalling); Extroverted Sensing – Acquiring current information; Introverted Intuition (Insight); Extroverted Intuition (Brainstorming), Introverted Thinking (Analyzing); Extroverted Thinking (Logical/Systematic); Introverted Feeling (Values); and Extroverted Feeling (Harmony). Read the rest of this entry »

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Recharge, Refill, Re-energize

March 29, 2010

Have you heard the expression – it doesn’t take much to make me happy? Perhaps that comes from moments when we truly get re-charged. Small moments in which we really feel our preferences are met.

How do we get re-charged? Where do we get our energy? How do we fill our cup?

According to Type theory, we gain or focus our energy through our Extraverted or Introverted attitude. For individuals with a preference for Extraversion, energy may be associated with the following facet descriptions: initiating, expressive, gregarious, active and enthusiastic. Extraverted preferences involve being stimulated by the outside world, groups, people, events, acting and then reflecting, connecting enthusiastically, and being open to new friendships.

For individuals with a preference for Introversion, energy restoration may occur through receiving others advances for connection, aligning or anchoring with one person, reflecting then acting, containing and processing internally, maintaining and sustaining 1:1 relationships first and relishing and embracing the quiet of life.

In the new world of technology, reaching out may not mean face to face contact. It may be possible to get re-charged without the direct, interpersonal contact of large groups or 1:1 interaction.   Read the rest of this entry »

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Creating Rapport – the Building Blocks to Better Relationships

March 22, 2010

Mark is researcher in the healthcare industry and his type code preference is INTJ.  He has a team of five research assistants supporting his research project. In addition, he has relationships with several clinical  colleagues and support staff who collaborate with him on his Phase I clinical trials. Mark is brilliant and passionate about his research. He is prominent in his field, well-published and presented at a multitude of conferences. He can envision possibilities and apply them directly through the logical order of the research protocol process. Yet his professional challenge is building effective relationships. Mark’s leadership and work style is directive. He may not necessarily want to be in the lead but he can readily design the course of action that needs to be taken using logic and current standard practices. He excels at analyzing and checking for inconsistencies but sometimes doesn’t address the personal values or human side of the equation. In essence, he has difficulty building rapport.

Extroverted actions that demonstrate care and interest in another person are not one of Mark’s most natural gifts.  Extroverted Feeling, the type mental function that supports connecting and honoring others’ feelings, is in Mark’s unconscious located in the 7th of the eight positions. Mark will need to consciously work at building skills to develop rapport and work relationships, especially with those with different type codes preferences.

So, what can Mark do to develop his ability to create and build rapport on an ongoing basis? Read the rest of this entry »

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Order in the Event

March 15, 2010

INTJ and ENFJ

Have you ever been part of a volunteer organization fund-raiser or maybe even just participated in planning a family reunion and wonder if you are on the same page as your committee? You very well may not be!

When we are in a situation requiring planning or organizing we rely on our orientation to the world  through structure, order, process. A person with preference for “Judging” or “J” orientation to the world may more easily fit into the role of event organizer or project lead. Certainly that does not preclude someone with a “perceiving” or “P” preference to be successful if they have learned organizational or project management skills to develop this Type attribute.

Consider Eva, an INTJ, and Becky, an ENFJ. They are the “venue committee” for a local non-profit organization. They both approach the world with order and structure. What is interesting for Eva and Becky is their individual functional pairs. Eva’s gift is “NT” – she sees possibilities and applies these possibilities to the past, present and future and quickly determine logically what might work best now to assist the future. Becky’s gift of “NF” allows her to envision possibilities of what might be for people, rather what might be from a sequential person. She is an idealist and focuses on determining a venue that meets people needs – meeting the needs of the many, whereas Eva considers venues that meets the needs of the majority. Eva is reflective and her emails are short and bulleted. Becky’s emails are longer, flowing, and sharing of much information.

How can they work together? Read the rest of this entry »

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Time in the Work Bottle

March 8, 2010

Working in an office environment can be challenging when different personality preferences affect the workflow and output. In the Type world, our orientation to the world as signified by the last letter in the type code, describes our preferences on how we engage and perceive the world.

During the day, our preferences are on autopilot. We tend to approach the world from our internal natural tendencies for either order and structure (Judgment) or openness and ambiguity (Perception). Work teams with a mix of “Js” and “Ps” may observe differences and challenges in managing routine tasks, making decisions or reaching a deadline.

For example, Susan is a counselor and researcher. Her type preference is an ISFJ. She enjoys helping others, is kind and sympathetic but at the same time has a difficult time saying no. Her co-workers love to come to her office and chat as she demonstrates great listening skills and appears to have an open-door policy. At the same time, she prefers to not only come to work early, schedule her day, keep her patient appointments on time but also be somewhat flexible to meet urgent needs of the department. Read the rest of this entry »

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Balancing E-I and J-P in the workplace

March 2, 2010

Nicole, an ENFP, loves to facilitate training. She loves the interaction with her audience. Attendees report she is engaging, thoughtful and enthusiastic. She loves creating new programs, new challenges, designing materials that are artful and speak to the class. Nicole finds great satisfaction in having great freedom at work and will create deliverables if given adequate time and flexibility to meet deadlines. Although she may become stressed when overloaded with details or asked to create a structure project plan, she loves to learn and apply new skills on her own and if given autonomy, will figure out the process and deliver a great product.

Her new manager, Colleen, type code is ISTJ. Colleen prefers structure, order, concrete data and time to process. She truly does not want to micromanage Nicole, but her desire for facts, figures and process plans create a perception of authoritarian leadership style. Brainstorming tires Colleen – she can do it for a while but in her world of facts and figures, brainstorming is not always necessary and functional. The data speaks for itself. Colleen follows the rules and business directives of the organization and her style is to plan and meet the directives. She prefers to be in her office and work on her own projects, give direction and details, and allow her employees the latitude to get their work done within the instructions provided. She reserves kudos for when work projects can be evaluated and generally this at the end of a timeline.

How can the two learn to work together – to respect the other’s most natural preferences and style and develop an effective working relationship? Read the rest of this entry »

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Going for the Gold

February 23, 2010

We are in the middle of the Olympics and OK, I’m a sucker for watching most of it on TV. We save it to DVR and fast forward through the commercials. I’m amazed by the athletics determination, resiliency,  the focus on every detail of their body and external forces that can impact performance.

Aksel Lund Svindal won the Super G Championship on Friday. What makes this particular skiing run most challenging is that the athletes  get only one opportunity to observe the course – they are not allowed a practice run. The only information to from is one observation and bringing prior experience to the activity.  Therefore, they truly have to be in the “moment” – using every bit of Extroverted Sensing they have to manage the course. Every minute movement can result in losing now that many sports are measured in hundredths of seconds. I think of this when I am just trying to shave off minutes from my own cycling.

People with a preference for Sensing or who have developed Extroverted Sensing may create the ski path in the details of the trail and use Thinking preferences to determine a quick, logical process down the path. People with an Intuitive preference may see broader landscapes of snow and use the landscape to create images and ideas and need to work on developing Sensing to reformat the landscape.

Now, I’m not a skier – I’ve tried and skiing just doesn’t do it for me. The exhilaration of going downhill becomes fear as I try to process all the “data” coming at me – curves, hills, bumps, slush, ice, or in the best of circumstances – powder. Not to mention, fatigue, posture, and managing the poles and any weather conditions that have to be overcome. Developing skills in skiing is difficult also because I live in Texas and to ski routinely and really train would require me to travel frequently to other states and the passion just isn’t there to commit the time and financial resources.

So I enjoy cycling. I love it because it gives me time to mentally escape – my mind wanders off with all kinds of ideas that just seem to magically pop into my head. When I need an idea and am “stuck”, I can go for a bike ride and come up with a great alternative. To get my Sensing moving, I try to remember to wear my heart monitor, watch the odometer and track my speed, mileage, maximum and average heart rate and the all important calorie. Logging on a spreadsheet helps keep me in firmly planted in reality even though when I’m cycling I still pretend I’m back in Holland cycling on the canals. A little imagination latitude given to “N” preference will get your everywhere!

So, does having an Intuitive preference limit a person from excelling in sports? Absolutely not. Certain natural Type preferences may enable performance but individuals may also develop least natural preferences to accelerate performance – if the personal drive is there.

I don’t have a motivational drive to improve my skiing. I do have a motivational drive to improve my cycling and yes, my ballroom dance. As an NF, developing my Sensing through cycling activities and logging my activities should improve my performance. Will I become an Olympic athlete? Most likely not but I will achieve greater fulfillment from these activities as well continue to develop my Sensing preference that will translate to other activities.

 

Thought questions:

What is your motivation to exercise? De-stress? Stay healthy? Maintain a balanced lifestyle? Lose weight? To compete?

When you are exercising, do you tend to pay attention to details, be in the moment, use your five senses or do you tend to think about other things, daydream or think about possibilities?

What is Just One Thing you could do today to consciously apply Extraverted Sensing (observe details, be in the moment, gather concrete data, be keen to the five senses) to your exercise routine?

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